It's been a difficult year for all of us.
In the short span of merely a few months, starting from the death of my father, where on the same day, Pak Su Mapghur also suffered from a heart attack, Pak Long not being so well, Pak Su Men going through the andioplasty and after that Pakcik Kebar had a bypass, and then now, Mak Chor leaving us. Not to mention the in betweens where Omar was hospitalised a twice, I was hospitalised for various illnesses three times, and my mom was hospitalised just a week ago, for food poisoning.
It's too much for all of us to take at once! Too much. Mak Cik Ati mentioned yesterday, that we need to take iktibhar from all of this.
Please let us doa today for all the people that we have lost in this family of ours....starting from Abg Hisham, Nenek, Mak Tua, Pak Ali, Papa, Abg Halim, Abah (Pak Eid) and Mak Chor. Let us remember them for whatever ways they have touched our lives.
Cousins, it's our time to take over now I think. Our time to be the "anchor" of the family. We must keep the family close and together. That is what our beloved Mak Chor would have wanted. She loved all of us and had time for everybody. What an amazing person.
We love you Mak Chor. We miss you.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
The Anchor of this Family - Mak Chor
It is hard to grieve the loss of a loved one when you are so far away - as Aisha and Julia probably well know. And it helps to be able to share this grief with other loved ones through this blog. I still have a few more things to say about our dearest Mak Chor and I hope that it is alright I write my thoughts down here.
Julia, do you remember the time when Mak Chor took care of you when you were younger? I dont know why you stayed with her, perhaps your mother was away at work? Mak Chor took care of me too, I was very young and had literally stopped eating due to the heart break of losing my nanny. So my mother thought that Mak Chor could help out.
In one of our last conversations with her, Mak Chor, Dayah and I, we reminisced about those times. She loved you Julia, and was constantly worrying about your well being. I thought you might want to know that.
She has done so much for me, looked out for a baby for me, picked Taufik up from the hospital with my mom and Dayah when he was delivered, visited a potential baby in the dead of the night with me, held Inaaya in her arms and shared my joy with me. Decorated her house with ribbons and niqah cushions for my very spartan and cheap wedding when I expected nothing. I can only imagine what she has done for others.
Not too long ago, Kim and I visited her and ever the economist he asked her how much the Damansara Heights house would fetch. She told him. Kim said to her how it would be a good idea to sell the house and buy another one and still have a lot left over for other spendings. Mak Chor just smiled in response, rather mysteriously too, as if there was a secret that amused her.
I wondered why.
Perhaps she thought that this house was the hearth which the family would gather around. The heart of it all. The first house to go to on Raya mornings. The house to visit when one is troubled. The house to be in when one wants to revert and declare shahadah. The house to find shelter when one needed to take a breath, like Hidayah. The house to gather when someone has passed away, like our dearest Pak Aid. The house to be married in, as in the case of me, Yakmin, her much loved son Arif and many more.
But the truth of the matter was that she was the centre of it all. The light that drew the moths. She was the hearth. Not the house. Like my mom said to me while sobbing over the phone, "She is the anchor Nina, the anchor to our family, now there is a big void that she is gone." How right she is.
What a life she led, what a full life. She is an inspiration to me. How could I ever model such an incredible woman? How could I ever match the generosity that her heart posessed, to welcome so many people into her life and her heart? I can only be inspired and to try and be a better Muslim. To put into practise the advise she gave to me during her life, so that I may benefit from that wisdom and she may benefit from her good deeds. Few of the many good deeds she has done in her life.
In her death, I find I do not shed tears of regret, I shed tears from the loss and missing of her. I shed tears for the people who have lost her when they still needed her so much. But this is takdir and Allah (SWT) surely has given all of us the means to cope.
Are we not fortunate that we have had her all these years in our lives? That we have been blessed with her in our family, instead of another? I hope that she too had found herself fortunate to have spent her life loving, caring and guiding us.
Once again, I would like to dua that Allah (SWT) have mercy upon her soul, and to bless her with Jannah. It will be but a short time before we shall be united again. This life is so short and fleeting.
Nina
Julia, do you remember the time when Mak Chor took care of you when you were younger? I dont know why you stayed with her, perhaps your mother was away at work? Mak Chor took care of me too, I was very young and had literally stopped eating due to the heart break of losing my nanny. So my mother thought that Mak Chor could help out.
In one of our last conversations with her, Mak Chor, Dayah and I, we reminisced about those times. She loved you Julia, and was constantly worrying about your well being. I thought you might want to know that.
She has done so much for me, looked out for a baby for me, picked Taufik up from the hospital with my mom and Dayah when he was delivered, visited a potential baby in the dead of the night with me, held Inaaya in her arms and shared my joy with me. Decorated her house with ribbons and niqah cushions for my very spartan and cheap wedding when I expected nothing. I can only imagine what she has done for others.
Not too long ago, Kim and I visited her and ever the economist he asked her how much the Damansara Heights house would fetch. She told him. Kim said to her how it would be a good idea to sell the house and buy another one and still have a lot left over for other spendings. Mak Chor just smiled in response, rather mysteriously too, as if there was a secret that amused her.
I wondered why.
Perhaps she thought that this house was the hearth which the family would gather around. The heart of it all. The first house to go to on Raya mornings. The house to visit when one is troubled. The house to be in when one wants to revert and declare shahadah. The house to find shelter when one needed to take a breath, like Hidayah. The house to gather when someone has passed away, like our dearest Pak Aid. The house to be married in, as in the case of me, Yakmin, her much loved son Arif and many more.
But the truth of the matter was that she was the centre of it all. The light that drew the moths. She was the hearth. Not the house. Like my mom said to me while sobbing over the phone, "She is the anchor Nina, the anchor to our family, now there is a big void that she is gone." How right she is.
What a life she led, what a full life. She is an inspiration to me. How could I ever model such an incredible woman? How could I ever match the generosity that her heart posessed, to welcome so many people into her life and her heart? I can only be inspired and to try and be a better Muslim. To put into practise the advise she gave to me during her life, so that I may benefit from that wisdom and she may benefit from her good deeds. Few of the many good deeds she has done in her life.
In her death, I find I do not shed tears of regret, I shed tears from the loss and missing of her. I shed tears for the people who have lost her when they still needed her so much. But this is takdir and Allah (SWT) surely has given all of us the means to cope.
Are we not fortunate that we have had her all these years in our lives? That we have been blessed with her in our family, instead of another? I hope that she too had found herself fortunate to have spent her life loving, caring and guiding us.
Once again, I would like to dua that Allah (SWT) have mercy upon her soul, and to bless her with Jannah. It will be but a short time before we shall be united again. This life is so short and fleeting.
Nina
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
The Sweetest n Nicest Person I had the pleasure to know
I guess the topic says it all..........we'll forever miss you......
Lotsa Loves
Faris, Aisha , Mikael n Malik
Jakarta
PS: We'r still trying to arrange the earliest flight back ..will inform further once confirmed
Monday, November 12, 2007
Breastfeeding for Adoptive Parents
Hafizah asked me recently how is it that I managed to breastfeed Taufik and Inaaya. And I thought that while I have the information at hand, I should share it with everyone else. Some of you in the near future might have friends who are adopting and wish to do the same, so I thought I'd share with you the links and other basic but important information. I'll label this as "Adoption"
My experience in trying to produce milk is to end up in consultation with a doctor and sent packing home with motilium (hormone) pills. With no guidance, no protocol - I was at a loss. Until I found and followed these protocols.
This site AskLenore provides you with the detailed protocols for producing breast milk. It takes into consideration your unique circumstances, for instance that the child is expected in 30 days, or the child is already with your family or perhaps your are menopausal. Each situation demands different protocol. (Also very informative for mothers with low milk supply)
Here's the link for the protocols.
Newman-Goldfarb Protocols for Induced Lactation - The Guide for Maximizing Milk Supply
Even though you will start producing milk - most often it is not enough to feed the child fully and you will need to use a nursing supplement. There are two in market at present, Medela SNS and Lact Aid. I have tried both, and true to feedback I have found on the net, the Lact Aid system is superior.
The great thing is that the Medela SNS system is available in KL. It can be found in Ampang Point at Dataran Palma, just look for the Medela Products distributor.
Lact Aid is not available locally, but can be bought off the net. I have gotten them to send supplies to both Malaysia and Thailand with no problems.
That's about all the information you need, and one more thing, motilium is widely available over the counter, it is much cheaper. It is FDA approved.
Persevere and inshaAllah it will work!!!
My experience in trying to produce milk is to end up in consultation with a doctor and sent packing home with motilium (hormone) pills. With no guidance, no protocol - I was at a loss. Until I found and followed these protocols.
This site AskLenore provides you with the detailed protocols for producing breast milk. It takes into consideration your unique circumstances, for instance that the child is expected in 30 days, or the child is already with your family or perhaps your are menopausal. Each situation demands different protocol. (Also very informative for mothers with low milk supply)
Here's the link for the protocols.
Newman-Goldfarb Protocols for Induced Lactation - The Guide for Maximizing Milk Supply
Even though you will start producing milk - most often it is not enough to feed the child fully and you will need to use a nursing supplement. There are two in market at present, Medela SNS and Lact Aid. I have tried both, and true to feedback I have found on the net, the Lact Aid system is superior.
The great thing is that the Medela SNS system is available in KL. It can be found in Ampang Point at Dataran Palma, just look for the Medela Products distributor.
Lact Aid is not available locally, but can be bought off the net. I have gotten them to send supplies to both Malaysia and Thailand with no problems.
That's about all the information you need, and one more thing, motilium is widely available over the counter, it is much cheaper. It is FDA approved.
Persevere and inshaAllah it will work!!!
Friday, November 09, 2007
A Kodak Moment
The picture with Ail, Hanna and Min was taken on raya day at Makdah's place. Akir took the picture. He also sent some other pictures to some of us on facebook and for those without a facebook account, well...one of the things that you have to live without huh?
I am cracking my head for something to write about, but I can't for the life of me, think of anything good to say....
Only that I am so happy and grateful to Allah, that Hanna and Min are happily married, that my mom is moving to Sri Hartamas soon, to be closer to all of us, that Ail is doing pretty okay with his work, that Rifdi did ok for his exams recently, that Omar is well, that Akir is back in KL with us. We are all doing ok....
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
A little change in how we think - the Malay Dilemma?
I didnt know that he had lost his brother Gg. That's hard to deal with.
Ariff, sounds like that was the final word from you. As always brief and to the point.
I used to feel in a similar way about a lot of things that the Malaysian government did, like the Twin Towers, thought it was a waste of money. But it placed Malaysia on the world map.
What about KLIA? It's one of the top airports in the world in a recent global survey. Suvarnabhum airport doesnt even figure in the list.
When you're in the middle of it, you cant make out the forest from the trees.
While taxes are the preoccupation of the Danish people, complaining about the latest government initiative is the preoccupation of Malaysians. And that's a good thing in many ways, constructive criticism is always good. But sometimes, take a break and have a look at where we are. For one moment, close your eyes to the terrible parts of Malaysia.
We could be like Indonesia. Or Phillippines or under military rule like Thailand. Or we could be like Pakistan. But we are not.
And living here in Thailand, listening to the envy of the Thais. Looking at the various neighbouring nationalities that requires visa for entry whilst a Malaysian doesnt.
It's called being respected. and it's all these little things that together count for something.
Petronas in Formula One. First Malaysian in space. Twin Towers. KLIA...and so the list goes on.
While we pooh pooh it, others dont.
Talking of Malaysa I just read that 8.6% of Malays live in poverty (that's almost 1 out of every 10 Malays), but only 2.8 percent of Malaysian Indians are at that level. We are being left behind. I think instead of being so critical all the time, it's time for Malays to get inspired by the achievement of others and try.
And I am not done yet, it's hard for me to be here with my Malaysian friends of which very few are Malays. (Why is that so you think? Lack of entreprenerial spirit?)
I am as a person, like water, people tend to get comfortable and occasionally the truth slips out. It's hard to hear the ugly truth, that the Malays are not respected. No - that the Malays are looked upon with a certain disgust - "of course not you Alena, we dont mean you...but..."
I am asked -
Why is it a Malay child that is brutally sexually raped, with carrots and cucumber inserted in her? Could it be a Chinese who did it? Or a Malay?
Why is it Malay grandfathers that commit incest?
Why is it Malay men/boys that commit most sexual crimes against women and children?
What is happening to us? I'd like to know the answer to that.
I think at the end of it all, it boils down to attitude and certain way of thinking. All I am asking here is a little change in thinking.
One last thing, those of you who have not seen "A Mighty Heart" starring Angelina Jolie should see it. You will be glad that you are not a Pakistani and that you're not living in Pakistan.
But then again, it seems as if things are changing, according to my non Malays friends, they are glad to be rid of Malaysia, "that country is going to the dogs" they say.
I hope not, because I love Malaysia. We just need some changes. We're not beyond hope.
I hope I can make a difference in my children. While many a times I have thought that your pay cheque is representative of your value as a person, which makes me - a housewife and full time mother- a person of no worth. But I brush aside those negative thoughts and persevere, cause I hope I make a difference by bringing up my children free of neglect and to grow up to be productive inspiring people - even if they dont - I know that I've tried. I hope that counts for something to make a difference in the Malays.
Ariff, sounds like that was the final word from you. As always brief and to the point.
I used to feel in a similar way about a lot of things that the Malaysian government did, like the Twin Towers, thought it was a waste of money. But it placed Malaysia on the world map.
What about KLIA? It's one of the top airports in the world in a recent global survey. Suvarnabhum airport doesnt even figure in the list.
When you're in the middle of it, you cant make out the forest from the trees.
While taxes are the preoccupation of the Danish people, complaining about the latest government initiative is the preoccupation of Malaysians. And that's a good thing in many ways, constructive criticism is always good. But sometimes, take a break and have a look at where we are. For one moment, close your eyes to the terrible parts of Malaysia.
We could be like Indonesia. Or Phillippines or under military rule like Thailand. Or we could be like Pakistan. But we are not.
And living here in Thailand, listening to the envy of the Thais. Looking at the various neighbouring nationalities that requires visa for entry whilst a Malaysian doesnt.
It's called being respected. and it's all these little things that together count for something.
Petronas in Formula One. First Malaysian in space. Twin Towers. KLIA...and so the list goes on.
While we pooh pooh it, others dont.
Talking of Malaysa I just read that 8.6% of Malays live in poverty (that's almost 1 out of every 10 Malays), but only 2.8 percent of Malaysian Indians are at that level. We are being left behind. I think instead of being so critical all the time, it's time for Malays to get inspired by the achievement of others and try.
And I am not done yet, it's hard for me to be here with my Malaysian friends of which very few are Malays. (Why is that so you think? Lack of entreprenerial spirit?)
I am as a person, like water, people tend to get comfortable and occasionally the truth slips out. It's hard to hear the ugly truth, that the Malays are not respected. No - that the Malays are looked upon with a certain disgust - "of course not you Alena, we dont mean you...but..."
I am asked -
Why is it a Malay child that is brutally sexually raped, with carrots and cucumber inserted in her? Could it be a Chinese who did it? Or a Malay?
Why is it Malay grandfathers that commit incest?
Why is it Malay men/boys that commit most sexual crimes against women and children?
What is happening to us? I'd like to know the answer to that.
I think at the end of it all, it boils down to attitude and certain way of thinking. All I am asking here is a little change in thinking.
One last thing, those of you who have not seen "A Mighty Heart" starring Angelina Jolie should see it. You will be glad that you are not a Pakistani and that you're not living in Pakistan.
But then again, it seems as if things are changing, according to my non Malays friends, they are glad to be rid of Malaysia, "that country is going to the dogs" they say.
I hope not, because I love Malaysia. We just need some changes. We're not beyond hope.
I hope I can make a difference in my children. While many a times I have thought that your pay cheque is representative of your value as a person, which makes me - a housewife and full time mother- a person of no worth. But I brush aside those negative thoughts and persevere, cause I hope I make a difference by bringing up my children free of neglect and to grow up to be productive inspiring people - even if they dont - I know that I've tried. I hope that counts for something to make a difference in the Malays.
Monday, November 05, 2007
First Malaysian into Space
I said to my gang of friends after a sweaty game of badminton, "Isn't it great a Malaysian in space?" (Not to mention, the first Muslim in space). Typical Malaysian reaction was what I received, comments like "Alaah what nonsense.", and "How difficult can it be to go into space?" "What...anyone can go into space, no big deal one."
But it is a big deal, it is a big deal for Malaysians, specifically Malaysian children, the dream to go into space no longer belongs in the lives of American children, "When I grow up I want to be an astronaut." but it is now a real possibility for Malaysians.
When something has never been done before it belongs in the realm of the impossible. It was unimaginable that conception could take place in a laboratory once upon a time no so long ago. I imagine that the first heart transplant was nearly impossible, with many-a-naysayers saying it was impossible.
But the truth is that when something once thought impossible, cease to be so when someone makes it possible.
The first climber up Mount Everest faced the most difficult obstacle, the ever niggling doubt that this dream was unachieavable. The second climber, climbs knowing that it is possible, cause its been done before.
Let us not pooh pooh these achievements cause it makes the unreal a reality. That lady Malaysian doctor that traversed across South Pole has shown our Malaysian children that they too can do it.
Now we have stories of role models, not just the likes of American Neil Armstrong, but Malaysians. And think of it, it's not a Korean, Taiwanese, Singaporean, Indonesian nor Arab that went up into space it was a good old Malaysian.
I say hooray to that!
What are your thoughts?
But it is a big deal, it is a big deal for Malaysians, specifically Malaysian children, the dream to go into space no longer belongs in the lives of American children, "When I grow up I want to be an astronaut." but it is now a real possibility for Malaysians.
When something has never been done before it belongs in the realm of the impossible. It was unimaginable that conception could take place in a laboratory once upon a time no so long ago. I imagine that the first heart transplant was nearly impossible, with many-a-naysayers saying it was impossible.
But the truth is that when something once thought impossible, cease to be so when someone makes it possible.
The first climber up Mount Everest faced the most difficult obstacle, the ever niggling doubt that this dream was unachieavable. The second climber, climbs knowing that it is possible, cause its been done before.
Let us not pooh pooh these achievements cause it makes the unreal a reality. That lady Malaysian doctor that traversed across South Pole has shown our Malaysian children that they too can do it.
Now we have stories of role models, not just the likes of American Neil Armstrong, but Malaysians. And think of it, it's not a Korean, Taiwanese, Singaporean, Indonesian nor Arab that went up into space it was a good old Malaysian.
I say hooray to that!
What are your thoughts?
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